Finding Grace in the Face of Dementia by John Dunlop MD, Free for CAPC Members
Dunlop’s book tackles a subject that few of us would care to read about in a way that encourages, informs, and relieves fear.
If you are a Biblical Christian, and particularly a single Christian, then you have enough struggles concerning purity, cultural marriage-redefinition, and relationships. The last thing you need is impure teaching, bad marriage definitions, and worse relationship counsel from evangelicals. Yet for years, and often without knowing it, we’ve experienced exactly these things from segments of the well-meaning Evangelical-Industrial Complex.
Recently I termed this the “Romance Prosperity Gospel” (RPG). It’s a strange fantasy world that usually works only in virtual reality. (If you’ve tried Christian singles sites, you have likely seen its relative, the “Massively Multiplayer Online Romance Prosperity Gospel.”)
Without naming names, here are a few rules of this approach. My point is not to condemn any specific evangelical leaders. Many RPG teachers are sincere Christians who uphold the true Gospel and want to oppose impurity and directionless dating. But you don’t need overt trappings — slick hair over grinning head, big golden metal-frame globe props, etc. — to preach a prosperity gospel. And not all prosperity preachers are heretics.
Still, what if RPG preachers did appear on a religious TV network?
Just like the original health-wealth-and-prosperity gospel, several truths are embedded here:
If you only know the sins of rebellion, impurity, or family-rejection, then you may only hear the RPG teachers repeating these truths. But beware, because it’s also sinful and impure to add to what God actually said. And if we tolerate this game, and buy their Gospel add-ons, we end up redefining marriage and God’s own Word.
All of these are specific promises that God’s Word never gives.
I’ve challenged RPG teachers to prove these promises from Scripture, as all Christians must do. But that sufficient Book stubbornly leaves out sufficient courtship Methods, beyond the “Same Old Thing” about treating others with purity as spiritual family. So ultimately, an RPG teacher must instead rely on anecdotes about those who Tried This Marriage Method And It Really Worked. (They seem to presume those who fail at the Method would repeat their negative testimonies just as loudly as those who tried it and happened to succeed.)
For my wife and I, even holding the suspicion that “the RPG works whenever it’s sincerely tried” was harmful. After all, we had only read those stories that at best implied that if we did everything right, our love story would go smoothly: that God would always give clear direction, our families would support us, and we might even be able to deactivate our emotions like Vulcans. Yet that just wasn’t how our story ran. Evidently, God likes variety.
Fortunately, a few teachers, such as Josh Harris in Boy Meets Girl, do challenge RPG “rules.” Harris often catches criticism for helping program the RPG. (More often, though, other teachers co-opt his ideas.) But Harris and other, more balanced authors don’t promise perfect love stories or guidance from infallible human authorities. Nor do they claim that if daughters ditch college for daddy as family priest and proto-husband, they’ll get the large homeschool family of their dreams. Rather, they write about relationship struggles, naturally occurring affections for other people, and the practical ways that God guides without constant gooey spiritual feelings but with help from others — whose spiritual judgment is limited.
Please, Evangelical-Industrial Complex, can we have more books and materials like that?
At best the Romance Prosperity Gospel is hazardous. But I may go so far as to call it wicked. What else can describe the claim that “God makes this promise to you” when He has not made that promise? Yes, the RPG may be better than sexual impurity. But it compares poorly with God’s real promises, emphasizes anecdotes over God’s Word, and harms single Christians.
Photo: Daniel Sone for National Cancer Institute
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