The following are actual search terms people typed into Google (Yahoo?) which directed them to CaPC. In most cases they didn’t find the answer they were looking for on our site. FSQ is an attempt to remedy this problem by answering some of the most (de)pressing questions sent to us through search terms.

This week’s theme is: Dissertation Dissipation

Q 1. Example of a dissertation Chick-fil-A?

Sure thing, boss. Here’re a few straight off the dome:

Between the Bun: Liminal Spaces and the Chick-fil-A Sandwich

Chick-f[eel]-A[h]: Masculine Touch and the Chick-fil-A “Brand”

Economies of Violence in Shakespeare’s Imaginary Plays and that Chick-fil-A Sauce

A Poultry Hegemony: Quantitative Analysis of Chick-fil-A’s Marketing Strategies

Q 2. Can I use Facwbook since lent is oever?

I don’t think you understand lent. Maybe not keyboards, either.

Q 3. Missing Easter Bunny who took our things?

Worst. Easter. Ever. Lemme toss on the ol’Deerstalker and see what I can deduce. Or is it induce? Whatever.

One possibility is that you let in some dude in a bunny costume claiming to be the Easter Bunny and when he was supposed to be sleeping on your couch he made off with all your valuables. Never let a dude in a bunny costume in your house.

Or this could be some strange new Easter tradition where the “Easter Bunny” visits kids during the night to make off with their toys cause they already have too much junk and don’t keep their room clean anyhow. The Easter Bunny is the anti-Santa.

In that Easter Basket this “Bunny” has your VCR. Kiss your taped copies of Hogan’s Heroes goodbye. Image: RBerteig via Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Q 4. Pics of Christ bench pressing sin of world.

Hard for me to express how stupid this question is, but Imma try.

The camera was not invented until 1800 years after Christ’s death. There’s no way there are extant photographs of him benching the sins of the world. They would be “icons,” not “pics.” The disciples weren’t hanging out with Christ, taking pictures with their iPhones 1s and hashtagging the “pics” #ChristBenchesWorldsSin #Woah #Selflessie.

Q 5. My pastor told me I can’t drink alcohol!

Try harder!

Q 6. Why was Punch Out so racist?

I don’t know what you are referring to. It’s just a game. Stop making everything about race. Every time you don’t like something you pull the race card.

Maybe the Great Tiger from India actually does wear a turban when he fights.

Q 7. Kung Fu Panda dissertation?

Between the Chopsticks: Liminal Spaces and Scenes of Eating in Kung Fu Panda

K[r]un[k] Fu[ll] Panda: Masculine Touch and the “Krunk” Dance Fad Among Pandas

Economies of Violence in Shakespeare’s Imaginary Plays and Kung Fu Panda

A PIXAR Hegemony: Quantitative Analysis of How Lame Non-PIXAR CGI Movies are Using Kung Fu Panda as a Test Case

Q 8. List of questions for game of Battle of the Sexes for Christians?

For the Ladies to ask the guys: 1. Who was really to blame for the Fall? 2. How are women saved? 3. How awesome is it to not have to work?

For the Guys to ask the Ladies: 1. If a man had these crushed, he could not be a priest. What are they? 2. What qualifies as a “man-fail”? 3. How awesome is it to not have to work at home?

Q 9. Loved one creationist?

Loved One Creationist: A YEC Harlequin Romance.

Picture Ken Ham on the cover, holding a lady. His shirt is partially torn. All around them rises a jungle of plastic plants, and off in the distance an Animatronic Dinosaur marches up the gangplank of the Ark, with its mate, which is profoundly symbolic of something or another.

Q 10. Is LeBron James Christian?

Sure, if we’re counting robots as “Christians,” cause that dude is playing some super-human basketball. He’s either a ‘bot or really good at basketball. If the latter, then he may be Christian. I don’t know. Look up his Wikipedia page.


  1. That is the closest thing to love I’ve ever seen you give Lebron James. You are definitely growing in your sanctification.

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